That One Girl

“Breathe. Know that the Internet has no eraser.” - Liz Strauss

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The Conversation by @AshleyJudd

The Conversation

The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.

As an actor and woman who, at times, avails herself of the media, I am painfully aware of both the conversation about women’s bodies, and it frequently migrates to my own body. I know this, even though my personal practice is to ignore what is written about me. I do not, for example, read interviews I do with news outlets. I hold that it is none of my business what people think of me. I arrived at this belief after first, when I began working as an actor eighteen years ago, reading everything. I evolved into selecting only the “good” pieces to read. Over time, I matured into the understanding that good and bad are equally fanciful interpretations. I do not want to give my power, my self-esteem, or my autonomy, to any person, place, or thing outside myself. I thus abstain from all media about myself. The only thing that matters is how I feel about myself, my personal integrity, and my relationship with my Creator. Of course, it’s wonderful to be held in esteem and fond regard by family, friends, and community, but a central part of my spiritual practice is letting go of otheration. And casting one’s lot with the public is dangerous and self-destructive, and I value myself too much to do that.

However, the recent speculation and accusations about the unusual fullness of my face in March, 2012, feels different., and my colleagues and friends encouraged me to know what was being said. Consequently, I choose to address it because the conversation was pointedly nasty, gendered and misogynistic and embodies what all girls and women in our culture, to a greater or lesser degree, endure every day, in ways both outrageous and subtle. The assault on our body image, the hyper-sexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification is what this conversation allegedly about my face is really about.

A brief analysis demonstrates that the following “conclusions” were all made on the exact same day, March 20, 2012, about the exact same woman (me), looking the exact same way, based on the exact same television appearance. The following examples are real, and come from a variety of (so-called!) legitimate news outlets (such as HuffPo, MSNBC, etc), tabloid press, and social media:

One: When I am sick for a over a month and on medication (multiple rounds of steroids), the accusation is that because my face looks puffy, I have “clearly had work done,” with otherwise credible reporters with great bravo “identifying” precisely the procedures I allegedly have had done.

Two: When my skin is nearly flawless, and at age 43, I do not yet have visible wrinkles that can be seen on television, I have had “work done,” with media outlets bolstered by consulting with plastic surgeons I have never met who “conclude” what procedures I have “clearly” had. (Notice that this is a “back-handed compliment,” too – I look so good! It simply cannot possibly be real!)

Three: When my 2012 face looks different than it did when I filmed “Double Jeopardy” in 1998, I am accused of having “messed up” my face (polite language here, the “F” word is being used more often), with a passionate lament that “Ashley has lost her familiar beauty audiences loved her for.”

Four: When I have gained weight, going from my usual size two/four to a six/eight after a lazy six months of not exercising, and that weight gain shows in my face and arms, I am a “cow” and a “pig” and I “better watch out” because my husband “is looking for his second wife.” (Did you catch how this one engenders competition and fear between women? And suggests that my husband values me based only my physical appearance? Classic sexism. We won’t even address how extraordinary it is that a size eight would be heckled as “fat.”)

Five: In perhaps the coup de grace, when I am acting in a dramatic scene in “Missing, the plot stating I am emotionally distressed, have been awake and on the run for days, viewers remarks ranged from “What the f*&^ did she do to her face?” to cautionary gloating, “Ladies, look at the work!” Footage from “Missing” obviously dates prior to March 2012, and the remarks about how I look while playing a character powerfully illustrate the contagious and vicious nature of the conversation. The accusations and lies, introduced to the public, now apply to me as a woman across space and time; to me as any woman and to me as every woman.

That women are joining in the ongoing disassembling of my appearance is salient. Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times – I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to indentify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women.

A case on point is that this conversation was initially promulgated largely by women; a sad and disturbing fact. (That they are professional friends of mine, and know my character and values, is an additional betrayal.)

News outlets with whom I do serious work, such as publishing Op-Eds about preventing HIV, empowering poor youth worldwide, and conflict mineral mining in Democratic Republic of Congo, all ran this “story” without checking with my office first for verification, or offering me the dignity of the opportunity to comment. It’s an indictment of them, that they would even consider the content printable, and that they, too, without using time honored journalistic standards, would perpetuate with un-edifying delight such blatantly gendered, ageists, and mean-spirited content.

I hope the sharing of my thoughts can generate a new conversation: Why was a puffy face cause for such a conversation in the first place? How, and why, did people participate? If not in the conversation about me, in parallel ones about women in your sphere? What is the gloating about? What is the condemnation about? What is the self-righteous alleged “all knowing” stance of the media about? How does this symbolize constraints on girls and women, and encroach on our right to be simply as we are, at any given moment? How can we as individuals in our private lives make adjustments that support us in shedding unconscious actions, internalized beliefs, and fears about our worthiness, that perpetuate such meanness? What can we do as families, as groups of friends? Is what girls and women can do different from what boys and men can do? What does this have to do with how women are treated in the workplace?

I ask especially how we can leverage strong female to female alliances to confront and change that there is no winning here as women. It doesn’t actually matter if we are aging naturally, or resorting to surgical assistance. We experience brutal criticism. The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others – and in my case, to the actual public. (I am also aware that inevitably some will comment that because I am a creative person, I have abdicated my right to a distinction between my public and private selves, an additional, albeit related, track of highly distorted thinking that will have to be addressed at another time).

If this conversation about me is going to be had, I will do my part to insist that is a feminist one, because it has been misogynist from the start. Who makes the fantastic leap from being sick, or gaining some weight over the winter, to a conclusion of plastic surgery? Our culture, that’s who. The insanity has to stop, because as focused on me as it appears to have been, it is about all girls and women. In fact, it’s about boys and men, too, who are equally objectified and ridiculed, according to hetereonormative definitions of masculinity that deny the full and dynamic range of their personhood. It affects each and every one of us, in multiple and nefarious ways: our self image, how we show up our relationships and at work, our sense of our worth, value, and potential as human beings. Join in – and help change – The Conversation.

N.B.: I would like to thank the many family members and mentors who read my essay, provided their passionate and unqualified support, and in some instances, made valuable suggestions to the text. They include my spiritual sister, Nikki Myers, who sat with me in my “office” under a red bud tree where this writing came to me; Naomi Judd and Larry Strickland; Michael Ciminella and Mollie Whitelaw; Reverend Mark Judd; Marina Franchitti, Carla Franchitti McFarlane. I thank Carol Lee Flinders, PhD, who taught me to mediate and who continually reinforces my organic understanding that pursuit of equality is fundamentally spiritual. I thank my life coach; Ted Klontz, PhD, whose unfailing presence in my life helps me become increasingly empowered and clear. I thank my colleagues Trena Keating, Michelle Bohan, Cara Trippichio, and Annett Wolf, whom I met in Hollywood yet who not only never flinch when I take a stand, stand resolutely with me. I thank Gloria Steinem for a simple yet powerful nudge toward full ownership of my reality; Dr Carol Jordan of the University of Kentucky for a lovely bit of inspired language. I am grateful for Angela McCracken, Esq., who in the age of unrestricted media frenzies supports legal rights where one still has them and helps my husband and me stand up to slander, defamation and lies. I give thanks to my extraordinary professor of “Gender Violence: Law and Social Justice” at Harvard Law, who not only teaches brilliantly but attracts to her classroom the most incredible people. My classmates, Rebecca Leventhal, Brittany Rogers, and Brittanie Hall, contributed, respectively, the reminder of the need for a clean, lucid opening paragraph, an additional infusion of steely, principled, feminist social justice values, and the insight that my body was being dissected as if it belonged to the public. Lastly, I thank BR for the soulful validation that what I had to say was beautiful and necessary. It was she who said, “you have to publish this as an Op Ed.”

Most especially, I thank my husband, Dario Franchitti, as it was his outrage that began this dialogue in our home. Over a period of days, his indignation helped me grasp the “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” double bind that inheres in The Conversation about both men and women in the public space, for which my puffy face was merely an example. Because of him, this piece became inevitable and essentially wrote itself. Dario’s thoughtful reading and astute feedback elevated its quality and breadth.

Filed under Women Ashley Judd media celebrity the conversation truth

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Weirdness is a good thing, weirdness is a great thing!
Personally, I think everyone has some weirdness in them no matter how they try to hide it, we’re all weird.
My weirdness is probably that I like to take pictures of old people…They are just so DAMN cute!
Whats weird about you? Do you embrace your weirdness or try to hide it?
     
 

Weirdness is a good thing, weirdness is a great thing!

Personally, I think everyone has some weirdness in them no matter how they try to hide it, we’re all weird.

My weirdness is probably that I like to take pictures of old people…They are just so DAMN cute!

Whats weird about you? Do you embrace your weirdness or try to hide it?

    

 

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Arm Party!
This is one of the amazing ideas to hail from @foxinflats called the #armpartydare. Basically the point of this dare is to dress up your usually bare and boring arms with bracelets, bangles and watches! Who doesn’t love that?!
I love this dare because usually I don’t wear much except for some studs, so boring. This is a true challenge for me and that’s why I love @foxinflats and her dares.
So join me and finish the week out strong by doing the #armpartydare. Go wild and impress me and send pictures too!

Arm Party!

This is one of the amazing ideas to hail from @foxinflats called the #armpartydare. Basically the point of this dare is to dress up your usually bare and boring arms with bracelets, bangles and watches! Who doesn’t love that?!

I love this dare because usually I don’t wear much except for some studs, so boring. This is a true challenge for me and that’s why I love @foxinflats and her dares.

So join me and finish the week out strong by doing the #armpartydare. Go wild and impress me and send pictures too!

Filed under armpartydare bangles dare foxinflats watches bracelets

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I think every person out there has a favorite brand or designer that they would do anything to have piece from their collection…My personal favorite is Project D (@projectdonline) by @DanniiMinogue (a huge star in the UK and Australia, if you didn’t know it already) and Tabitha Somerset Webb (an Uh-Mayzing bag designer, to which I would also kill to have a bag of hers)
What I really love about this brand is the designers, they just seem like all-around nice people. When I spent months bugging them on twitter about getting their bag sent to America, they always tweeted back with kind words of encouragement, and really, who doesn’t love that?! It shows that they care about their customers, which makes me love them even more. Also whats not to love about their clothes, when they have sales I love them even more! If you love sparkles, floral and beautifully crafted designs then they are most definitely a designer you should take a gander at ;)
Who else has had an amazing personal experience with a favorite designer that made you love them and made you want to share it with all of your friends?
What made them so special to you and why do love their clothing?
*Remember this - It doesn’t matter where you get your clothing, just that you feel special in it.*
(click on the photo for a direct link to the projectd site)

I think every person out there has a favorite brand or designer that they would do anything to have piece from their collection…My personal favorite is Project D (@projectdonline) by @DanniiMinogue (a huge star in the UK and Australia, if you didn’t know it already) and Tabitha Somerset Webb (an Uh-Mayzing bag designer, to which I would also kill to have a bag of hers)

What I really love about this brand is the designers, they just seem like all-around nice people. When I spent months bugging them on twitter about getting their bag sent to America, they always tweeted back with kind words of encouragement, and really, who doesn’t love that?! It shows that they care about their customers, which makes me love them even more. Also whats not to love about their clothes, when they have sales I love them even more! If you love sparkles, floral and beautifully crafted designs then they are most definitely a designer you should take a gander at ;)

Who else has had an amazing personal experience with a favorite designer that made you love them and made you want to share it with all of your friends?

What made them so special to you and why do love their clothing?

*Remember this - It doesn’t matter where you get your clothing, just that you feel special in it.*

(click on the photo for a direct link to the projectd site)

Filed under projectdonline projectd dannii minouge designer blog clothes twitter UK australia designers

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Question time!!!
Im just going to steal it right from tumblr and tumblrbot who just sent me this message
WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET????                                          
Well that’s pretty easy for me. It would be Australia! I have wanted to go there since I was probably 10 years old. It’s the one place I see myself happy and I have always been drawn there. I truly believe everyone has one place in this world where they belong wholeheartedly and Australia, I know, is that place for me
So whats the one place you would like to visit? That one place you have dreamt about and imagined yourself living there. I know everyone has at least one place :)

Question time!!!

Im just going to steal it right from tumblr and tumblrbot who just sent me this message

  • WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET????                                          

Well that’s pretty easy for me. It would be Australia! I have wanted to go there since I was probably 10 years old. It’s the one place I see myself happy and I have always been drawn there. I truly believe everyone has one place in this world where they belong wholeheartedly and Australia, I know, is that place for me

So whats the one place you would like to visit? That one place you have dreamt about and imagined yourself living there. I know everyone has at least one place :)

Filed under places question visit australia blog

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Instagram

                                 

Big deal for anyone who has a android, instagram can now be yours!

This is awesome but also a little uninteresting. Yes, I have been dying to try out this app since I got my android but at the same time I have been using faux instagram apps for months and am a little underwhelmed about it. Of course I’m going to download ASAP but who knows I might find its completely stupid compared to the other apps I was using.

What is everyone else who has an android feeling about this. Yay or nay?

Filed under android instagram too late too little? blog finally!

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2 days late, story of my life. I love @fatmumslim’s blog and enjoy the photo a day’s. I look at everything as a challenge and love doing new things. Join me in Aprils photo a day challenge even if we start a few days late :)

2 days late, story of my life. I love @fatmumslim’s blog and enjoy the photo a day’s. I look at everything as a challenge and love doing new things. Join me in Aprils photo a day challenge even if we start a few days late :)

Filed under April photo a day Late fun

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Hey, I’m Corinne and Im just looking for my place in this world. I’m a college student and one day I’ll be a teacher and be working in Australia.
After being called a ‘Cool Dude’ by my favorite blogger and spending many months admiring AND drooling over her blog, I finally got the courage to start my own. My blog currently has no direction and will mostly consist of things I find:
Funny
Cool
Fascinating
I’m new at this so bare with me, like newborn baby new at this. I promise though to post every day and keep you all inform with all the things that interest me and you, of course!
Suggestions and comments are more than welcome, so feel free to ask me anything or tell me what you would like to see or read about for future posts.
- Corinne

Hey, I’m Corinne and Im just looking for my place in this world. I’m a college student and one day I’ll be a teacher and be working in Australia.

After being called a ‘Cool Dude’ by my favorite blogger and spending many months admiring AND drooling over her blog, I finally got the courage to start my own. My blog currently has no direction and will mostly consist of things I find:

  • Funny
  • Cool
  • Fascinating

I’m new at this so bare with me, like newborn baby new at this. I promise though to post every day and keep you all inform with all the things that interest me and you, of course!

Suggestions and comments are more than welcome, so feel free to ask me anything or tell me what you would like to see or read about for future posts.

- Corinne

Filed under blog foxinflats funny new fascinating